Week 7
I have applied for over 100 jobs at this point. I have had interviews for three or four jobs. No offers. I have about two dozen form letter rejections in my inbox. It’s feeling bleak. I need to remind myself to keep reaching for the lifelines. Writing these is one of them.
I am struggling to find the balance between spending enough time on this (I literally applied for twenty jobs yesterday) and allowing myself to use some of this time to try out other things I wouldn’t usually prioritize. It is hard to not feel guilty doing those things, and that’s not coming from anywhere but me. If someone told me they wanted to spend a few hours working on a book or something else that they’ve wanted to do while still pushing hard to find a new job, I would support it. It’s hard to learn to talk to yourself like you would a good friend.
On Monday, I interviewed Gregg Deal, a visual artist and the singer of the band Dead Pioneers. It was one of the best conversations I’ve had as an interviewer. I am so excited to share this with you via PopMatters closer to his album release date. For now, go listen to their song “Nazi Teeth”. It’s a banger. And so is “The Caucasity” from the previous album. We are around the same age, and I could imagine a world where we met at a show and became friends. Writing for PopMatters has been such a rewarding endeavor.
Listening to a biography of Keith Haring, who is one of my favorite artists. I love that era. Basquiat is another favorite. There are times when I wish I’d had someone tell me to go try some things in my twenties—go live in New York for a while, try to write a script (take a class to learn how if you can’t figure it out), make a short film or two. I’m trying to brave face my way into creativity now, as I begin to realize my days are not endless.
I will tell my kids to try things and do them if they like them, to be less worried that it might not be as good as something else out there.
Most people don’t crave much more than more of the same in their entertainment. Mediocre work finds huge audiences. People who create work that is timeless aren’t usually celebrated in their time. There are probably tons of people who were successful in their time but are unheralded now. It would be fine to be one of those.
I am rewriting resumes today for at least four versions, maybe five. The part that is hardest about this is that I know it’s only a matter of getting in front of the right person, that so much work goes into something that is ultimately so arbitrary.